Year 11 mock: paying for results

Paper 2 Question 5: writing to present a viewpoint · 3 approved scripts

Sample: three demo scripts we wrote, not pupils' work. Tap a quote to see it in the script.

AI suggested each mark and quoted the sentences behind it. A teacher changed or kept it, then approved it. These are practice marks against the department's rubric, not AQA marks or grade predictions.

Class summary

Script	AO5 Content and organisation	AO6 Technical accuracy	Total	Suggested	Approved by
11C-04	20	13	33/40	32 +1	Teacher A
11C-11	11	7	18/40	16 +2	Teacher A
11C-17	19	14	33/40	34 −1	Teacher A

11C-0433

11C-1118

11C-1733

Median 33 of 40. Range 18 to 33.

Task

“Students should be paid for good exam results. It is the only reward that would make every teenager work harder.” Write an article for a broadsheet newspaper in which you argue for or against this statement.

11C-04

33/40

The script

Imagine opening your results envelope and finding a cheque inside¹. For some people that sounds like a dream, but I believe paying students for grades would quietly damage the very thing schools exist to build: a love of learning⁴. Supporters argue that money motivates. They are right, up to a point. A part-time job proves that teenagers will work for a wage. But a wage pays for time, not for understanding². A student paid £50 for a grade 7 learns that the 7 matters and the poem does not. Consider, too, who would win. The students most likely to collect are those who already have quiet bedrooms, tutors and laptops. The rewards would flow uphill, widening a gap that schools spend every day trying to close. There is a better reward, and it costs nothing. It is the moment a difficult idea finally makes sense. Teachers see it every week: the frown that turns into a grin⁵. No bank transfer can manufacture that feeling, and no bank transfer should try to replace it. So, before we reach for the chequebook³, we should ask what we really want teenagers to take from school. If the answer is curiosity, resilience and pride, then the best payment is the one we already have.

AO5 Content and organisation

20/24 · level 4 · suggested 19

Holds the reader throughout. Voice fits audience and purpose every time; ideas build through deliberate structure; vocabulary is precise and ambitious.

A clear, sustained argument with a deliberate shape: a hook, a concession, two developed reasons and a circular ending.

Imagine opening your results envelope and finding a cheque insideHook that places the reader in the scenario.
a wage pays for time, not for understandingConcise counter-argument that turns the opponent's point.
So, before we reach for the chequebookEnding returns to the opening image.

AO6 Technical accuracy

13/16 · level 4

Sentence boundaries always secure; a wide range of punctuation and sentence forms used for effect; Standard English throughout; ambitious words spelt correctly.

Secure sentence boundaries and a range of punctuation used for effect; vocabulary precise and accurate.

build: a love of learningColon used to land the thesis.
the frown that turns into a grinPrecise, controlled phrasing.

What went well. A confident, well-shaped argument with a memorable ending.

Next step. Support the fairness point with one concrete example.

11C-11

18/40

The script

Should students be paid for good results? I think they should, because it would make alot of people try harder at school¹. Lots of teenagers dont see the point⁵ of revising. They would rather be on there phones⁴ or playing games. If they knew they would get money for a good grade they would work harder, this is because money is something everyone wants³. Another reason is that adults get paid for doing a good job so why shouldnt students. School is like a job for teenagers². They go every day and they work hard so they deserve a reward. Some people say it would cost to much money. But the goverment spends money on lots of things that are less important than education. Also parents could pay instead. In conclusion students should be paid for good exam results because it would make them work harder and it is fair.

AO5 Content and organisation

11/24 · level 2 · suggested 10

Some success. Tries to match audience and purpose; some linked ideas and paragraphs; vocabulary varied in places.

A clear position with relevant, orderly reasons; ideas are stated rather than developed and the article form is not used.

I think they should, because it would make alot of people try harder at schoolPosition stated plainly in the opening.
School is like a job for teenagersComparison offered but not developed.

AO6 Technical accuracy

7/16 · level 2 · suggested 6

Sentence boundaries sometimes secure; some punctuation beyond full stops and commas; some sentence variety; common words mostly spelt correctly.

Sentence boundaries mostly secure, but a comma splice, missing apostrophes and homophone errors recur.

they would work harder, this is because money is something everyone wantsComma splice.
on there phonesHomophone error.
dont see the pointMissing apostrophe.

What went well. Your view is clear and you keep to it.

Next step. Turn one reason into a full paragraph with an example, and fix the comma splices.

11C-17

33/40

The script

Every August the headlines are the same: record grades, crying parents, jumping students¹. What they rarely mention is the student who worked just as hard and came away with a 4. Under a payment scheme, that student would be told, in pounds and pence⁴, that their effort was worth less. I am not against rewards. I am against rewards that measure the wrong thing. A grade is a snapshot of one morning in May; effort is a whole year. If we must reward something, reward the habit, not the headline². Yet the statement's real error is the word "only". Teenagers already work for praise, for friends, for the subjects they love and for futures they can picture. Money would not add to those reasons. It would crowd them out⁵. Pay students for grades and you will get grades, briefly³. Show them why learning matters and you will get learners for life.

AO5 Content and organisation

19/24 · level 4 · suggested 20

Holds the reader throughout. Voice fits audience and purpose every time; ideas build through deliberate structure; vocabulary is precise and ambitious.

Convincing and tightly controlled; the argument pivots on the word "only" and ends with a crafted antithesis, but the middle is compressed.

Every August the headlines are the same: record grades, crying parents, jumping studentsTopical opening that sets the tone for a broadsheet reader.
reward the habit, not the headlineMemorable alliterative contrast.
Pay students for grades and you will get grades, brieflyCrafted ending with a sting.

AO6 Technical accuracy

14/16 · level 4

Sentence boundaries always secure; a wide range of punctuation and sentence forms used for effect; Standard English throughout; ambitious words spelt correctly.

Wide range of punctuation and sentence forms used for effect, with ambitious, accurate vocabulary.

in pounds and pencePrecise phrasing for effect.
It would crowd them outShort sentence for emphasis.

What went well. A polished, persuasive article with a striking ending.

Next step. Develop the middle with one extended example.

Rubric

AO5 Content and organisation, out of 24
Level	Marks	Descriptor
4	19–24	Holds the reader throughout. Voice fits audience and purpose every time; ideas build through deliberate structure; vocabulary is precise and ambitious.
3	13–18	Clear and controlled. Voice mostly fits audience and purpose; ideas are linked and developed in paragraphs; vocabulary is chosen for effect.
2	7–12	Some success. Tries to match audience and purpose; some linked ideas and paragraphs; vocabulary varied in places.
1	1–6	Simple. Little sense of audience or purpose; ideas listed rather than developed; basic vocabulary.

AO6 Technical accuracy, out of 16
Level	Marks	Descriptor
4	13–16	Sentence boundaries always secure; a wide range of punctuation and sentence forms used for effect; Standard English throughout; ambitious words spelt correctly.
3	9–12	Sentence boundaries mostly secure; a range of punctuation and sentence forms; mostly Standard English; harder words generally spelt correctly.
2	5–8	Sentence boundaries sometimes secure; some punctuation beyond full stops and commas; some sentence variety; common words mostly spelt correctly.
1	1–4	Sentence boundaries occasionally secure; little range of punctuation; simple sentences; frequent spelling errors.

Class summary

Task

11C-04

The script

11C-11

The script

11C-17

The script

Rubric

Your department's report, from your scripts.